Am I Ready For This?

“Guess who’s back, back again” – Eminem

Yes, I just quoted a very white rapper. Yes, I am a very, very white middle class girl. Yes, I listen to rap sometimes. Deal with it.

I have officially been out of school for more than a year. And I’m officially back in school. Starting today. Yes, that’s right, the medical school journey has begun.

And yet, I’m still a barista. Just part-time during these first 6 weeks of this prep program. But here I am, doing it all. And I’m already terrified.

But I’m starting to think that it’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid of the sheer volume of material that we’re going to have to learn. If it wasn’t outrageous, would it really prepare us to be good physicians? And if it wasn’t possible, there wouldn’t already be doctors. Yes, hard work is going to be required of us, but we’ve already had to work hard to get here.

My friends and family are super confident that I can do this. I’m just scared enough to think that maybe I can’t. But maybe that’s just how scared I need to be. If you’re scared or nervous, you’re going to prepare a lot. If you’re super confident you may not prepare as much. And anybody in grad school needs to prepare. We have a lot to learn.

So yes, I’m scared of medical school. And I’m not ready to do all four years right now. But I made it through today. And I’m ready for tomorrow. Maybe that’s all it is. Conquer one day at a time and soon enough you’ve done it all.

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